I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
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