Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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