and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
whose parrot is this?
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize