You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
