dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Randomize