i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
