I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize