She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
