she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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