This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
only if we run a train.
done.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
