This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Randomize
