I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
