She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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