He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
