Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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