I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
These tits shall not be calmed
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