How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
