Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
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