I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize