You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
