I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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