Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
