its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Come back. Shots need mouths.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
