i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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