have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
