Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
