I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
