you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
