Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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