My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
