So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
