Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
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