Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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