My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
