a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
