Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
