I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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