Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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