we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
