i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
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