Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
