I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
