: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
