theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
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