so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
