so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
