some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
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