mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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