Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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