idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
