my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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