I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
We have so much sex to catch up on
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
