dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
I did not marry a roomba.
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