Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
you traded sex for a burrito?
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
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