i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
