Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
