I wanna bring you to show and tell
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
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