Michael Bay diarrhea
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
