Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
It was confusing and full of hummus
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
