I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
