I wish I could punch you in the face.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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