It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
