Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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