im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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