how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
