I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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