She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
