like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
