Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
