I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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