went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
