just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
